I am 10-foot tall and bulletproof. I enjoy long walks on the beach, movies with happy endings, and making out with your mom. In high school, I was voted “Most likely to get shot, stabbed, or hurled off a high-rise for not keeping my goddamn mouth shut.” I cried when I first heard that, but, I assure you, they were tears of joy.
My worst fear is spontaneous combustion. Just imagine: You’re walking down the street; it’s a beautiful day; the birds are singing; then, you F**KING EXPLODE. I pray that never happens to me, although, based on my diet, I am probably a good candidate.
I’m a Scorpio, but don’t let that fool you. Not all Scorpios are as intelligent as astrologers would have you believe. I never passed the SAT because I couldn’t spell it. I’m so dumb, I make Einstein look smart. Oh, and I suck at analogies (whatever that means).
My greatest advice: Dance like nobody’s watching; Love like you’ve never been hurt; Sing like nobody’s listening; And put this in your mouth while nobody’s looking.